i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize