Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
