Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
