I want to make a zoo with you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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