God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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