Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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