dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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