tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
