His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
