my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
