i need an iv and a liver transplant
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
