Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
