Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
