peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want