i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
