Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night