I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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