you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.