you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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