PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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