At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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