Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
