operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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