u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
