no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
