Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
