We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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