Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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