Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
