dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
