evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
