i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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