it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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