So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
