Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
