Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
