Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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