That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
