I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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