Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
