I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
