You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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