I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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