soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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