i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
