Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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