We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
