I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
