4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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