We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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