I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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