I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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