he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
