Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
two words...techno handjob
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
