Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
