Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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