just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
