tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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