Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
