just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
