Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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