i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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