BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
