I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
