Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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