Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize