3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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