Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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